hey there -
I write the above in lower case letters, because it’s a timid greeting.
I know it’s been awhile since I’ve hailed an audience from the banks of Tumblr. It’s been awhile, and that’s because I’m an inconsistent person who rarely has the unction to create personalized somethings that would delight or enlighten Net adventurers such as yourselves. Those of you who are more consistent than I, however, have inspired me to give my journal a holiday and dump the musings of my juvenile mind on a more lively audience.
The fact is, I idealize a writer’s profession as a romantic career. The act of creating pictures with words, sending children’s imaginations on sailboat adventures, unveiling new perspectives on the world… all by simply tapping away at a lettered keyboard by candlelight, coffee mug within reach, is very desirable to my idealistic imagination. But, unfortunately, this is an ideal and not reality.
Perhaps one day… But today I am not a rousing author; I am a nanny, which could also be seen as a romantic profession if you squint a little.
Sometimes I get very carried away in my romantic ideals…
Last night, however, I was brought promptly to the ground and the lofty picture of myself was shattered. Sometimes, Too often, I live in denial of my wicked self… the part of me that cares ONLY for me and treats the people around me (my family gets the worst of it) like dirt.
Well, last night Pride’s ugly head was my own, and my poor family was baring its company as best as they could. Soon enough, though, I was called out on it. And suddenly, it hit me like a brick to the face. How could I, a child in desperate need of grace, not honor and love the people God had gifted me with to love and honor?People made in His image, each with their own unique connection to the Father… Chosen and dearly loved by Him… Who am I to set myself above and before them? Yet, once again, I’d poisoned their air with a rank attitude.
And this is the humility I pray for; God is faithful to refine me. I’m just thankful for the grace that allows me those moments when I can channel His kindness, goodness, patience, and gentleness.
Father, may those moments be frequent today. I am nothing good nor beautiful by myself, but Your hands are molding me into a picture of perfection as my accursed flesh is squished by your hammer of righteousness and dissolved in the waters of your great love. Help me to clearly differentiate between the side of me that hates You and the side of me that has been captured by your grace. I’d like to live in the latter today, but let this not be a romantic ideal. Help me make it reality.
